'Tis the Season!
No, not that season! (Which is oh, so thankfully over!) I'm talking about Award Show Season. As I write this, the red carpets are being shampooed, administrative assistants at prestigious accounting firms are digging out the combinations to the locking briefcases and someone is dusting off and reanimating the Rivers Girls.
All year, people in the entertainment industry have given, given, given until it hurts to their adoring public. Now is the time for us to give back to those who have delighted us, made us laugh, made us cry, infuriated us and most important of all: inspired industrial-sized bandwidths of snark.
Have fun and don't forget to tell Starr who you're wearing!
posted by jas faulkner @ 11:14 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Hello everyone! The first award tonight is the H.L. Menkin Memorial Voice of Reason Medal. This award goes to the person who has demonstrated a desire to cut through the spin we have been inundated with in an effort to provide the American people with intelligent news coverage we can actually use.
In past years, there have been a number of nominees and we could offer the some suspense. This year, the Patio was unanimous and the winner is Jon Stewart for his performance on Crossfire:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0410/15/cf.01.html
Congratulations, Mr. Stewart and in behalf of all of us here at the Patio, thank you!
Hell, yeah. Jon not only hit the snark out of the park, he got quoted by the guy who fired Tucker Carlson, who said something like "I come down more on the Jon Stewart side of things."
That was keen. Jon Stewart is keen.
Aren't we all tired of seeing costars or husbands and wives present awards? I suggest these new presenting teams:
She's lost all her money and he's about to lose his freedom; together, they're cornering the market on high pitched voices and strange behavior... it's Anna Nicole Smith and Michael Jackson
Ladies and Gentlemen, let's welcome two women who have made a huge impact on commited relationships in Hollywood: Angelina Jolie and Portia DiRossi!
He managed to parlay mere proximity into a lucrative marriage, striking a blow for equal rights of male golddiggers everywhere; she turned "Would you like some more saki?" into the best tip ever! It's Kevin Federline and Alice Kim Cage!
And now, let's welcome to the stage two men who have received a Golden Globe award in the past - but who will never be nominated for their current shows: John Goodman and David Caruso!
They say it takes determination, drive, and a complete disregard for your children to make them stars. He's the creepiest dad around; she just wants to be involved in every single aspect of her sons' bank accounts, I mean lives....It's Joe Simpson and Jane Carter!
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